Future Olympians

When Team USA soccer star Brandi Chastain shed her jersey after booting the winning goal in last year's Women's World Cup, we got to thinking: What if modern Olympians were to borrow a page from their original Greek counterparts and compete with few or no clothes? Maybe it wouldn't enhance performance, but we're certain it would boost ratings.

We envision a future in which the Spice Channel competes with ESPN and TNT for broadcast rights. The new format might not sit well with members of the International Olympic Committee at first, but they'd come around once they remembered the first principle of Olympic organizing: Show us the money, honey.