The Blackhead

This little bugger is an armadildo, a cross between an armadillo and a personal vibrator. It is a nocturnal, burrowing animal that ranges throughout North America--although colonies tend to concentrate in girls' school, in convents and in the Houston suburbs near Mission Control.

Its favorite hiding place is a top dresser drawer, underneath the lingerie. Occasionally it comes out (3.2 times per week, on the average), tail wagging, to explore the underbrush. It digs small holes and it eats, roots, and leaves.

Some of the armadildos we saw were cranky, but only when they weren't given enough love. Usually they walk around with a wry, cocky smile and make good pets: They come when they're called, they don't pester when the owner has a headache and you can't hold a candle to them for cleanliness.

In one subspecies of this breed, when an adolescent male reaches his 13th birthday, he has a big party and announces, "Today I am a fountain pen."